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It appears that almost everyone has some dating tips to give you when youre single. From your family members and friends, to Internet relationship websites, you can get a truckload of really bad advice on how to find a date or a mate. Someone sent me a list of tips the other day to look at. Are these good ideas? the person asked.
After reading themand doing a few deep-breathing exercises to normalize my blood pressure it seemed like a good idea to spend a little time considering what some of them meant. In other words, why exactly was I so concerned?
Bad Dating Tip #1: Get ready for rejection.
you read that correctly. Before you get ready to date, you should EXPECT to be rejected, right? Wrong. I made this the number one worst dating tip of all because people embrace the idea of rejection
like it is fate; like it is something they must accept because they have no control over it. The consciousness of rejection will keep you from meeting new people; will keep you isolated and afraid to go out; or will keep you so worried about rejection, it will cause you to settle for someone who wont ever leave you. Anchoring your thoughts in rejection before you even get started on dating is a guaranteed way to keep yourself from finding the love of your life. Do NOT get ready for rejection. Get ready for a fabulous adventure.
Bad Dating Tip #2: Play the game.
Here is the new reality: dating is NOT a win-lose situation, unless you choose to make it that way. You cant be rejected and no one can make your life miserable unless you grant them permission. How can you turn dating into an experience of personal expansion rather than a game of gotcha or musical chairs? How can it be an exploration of meeting new friends and possibly finding a lifetime mate? Start with choosing good people to be around. If someone isnt kind to you, set better boundaries, limit the amount of time you spend together, ordont see them at all. The point isyou have choices. When you go out to meet people, you dont have to become a victim of anyone. There are no games to win or lose except the ones that are in your mind.
Bad Dating Tip #3: Dont be too available.
It is true that you dont want to be so desperate you are checking your phone every 5 minutes for messages from someone you just met and barely know. But not being too available smacks of playing another game. This tip goes along with other tips that encourage you to: remain aloof and distant, never act like youre interested, and say no to the first three invitations for a date. The truth is, if you have time to answer your phone and want to talk with someone, you should. The authenticity of who you are will carry in your voice
and over the airwaves. If you ignore calls or texts by playing hard to get, your reasons for actually being manipulative, false, and controlling need to be examined so you can rid yourself of qualities you do not wantnor do you want to attract.
Bad Dating Tip #4: Set a target date for when you want to be married.
Whoa. What if you havent met the person yet? If you want to be married in one year, are you just going to marry your current date? Or, the only guy youve ever dated? Or, your first date with someone on the Internet? And
does the other person have anything to say about it? I understand that this goal is to get you into action, and taking steps to get what you want is a good thing. But if you adhere to this deadline too strictly, you will probably be doing some fabricating, projecting, and settling for less than you want and deserve.
Bad Dating Tip #5: Always keep a guy (or girl) waiting.
Its hard to believe that someone would actually say this, believe it, and promote it. Its dishonest, sad, and controlling. When youre dating, the only upper hand you need is the one you have over yourself. If you have to be rude to someone in order to have the edge, eventually, this type of unkind behavior will be returned to you. This is a game that will either backfiremeaning the person wont like youor, will be the beginning of many acts of deception
between the two of you.
These tips are not good for your spirit. They sink your hopes and rob you of your dreams. You can do better for yourself. You can become the person youve always wanted to meet.