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Five Reasons Why You Cannot Get A Date

Published under copyright by © Copyright 2020. All rights reserved.
Did you ever meet someone, think the two of you were really clicking, only to find that the person wouldn’t return your texts, emails or phone calls?  Do you wonder why most of your friends, who are no more attractive than you, have little or no problem meeting people to go out with?  If you consistently go out to social settings to have conversations and interactions with others, and you regularly get blown off, it’s time to look at what’s going on.  Let’s break it down.  Here are five main reasons you can’t get a date:

1. Neediness

The biggest reason why people will avoid you is if you are desperate.  Desperate means you aren’t bringing any energy to the party.  Your batteries are low and you’re looking to other people to recharge you.  You may be sad, scared, lonely, or prone to clinging onto anyone who will pay attention to you.  None of this is attractive.  However, you can do something about this.  You can learn to pay better attention to yourself.  Give yourself some good friends, conversations, successes, and healthy habits.  When you accomplish this, you’ll have something to talk about when you meet people.  Having your own battery power is what makes you attractive.

2. Boundaries

The notification that you have crossed a boundary can come to you as gently as a butterfly’s wing…or as heavy as a baseball bat.  It’s good to learn to spot the soft messages first so you don’t have to suffer the heavy lessons later.  Setting boundaries—and not crossing the boundaries of others—can make or break your date-ability.  When someone pauses and reluctantly answers your question, pay attention to their body language and don’t go down that path again.  That’s called a butterfly message.  If you ask questions that are personal in nature when you first meet someone, like, “How much money do you make?” or say something insensitive like: “What’s the deal with your nose?” there will be a stampede of people running away from you when you enter a room.  That’s the baseball bat message.  

3. Hygiene

It seems such an obvious quality to pay attention to if you truly want to date…but you would be amazed at how many people complain about the hygiene problems of others.  If you live alone, you may not notice what’s going on with your appearance.  Check your clothes for spots, rips, or stains before you put them on.  If no one will tell you, then just make it a habit to always wear deodorant, wash your hair, floss your teeth, freshen your breath, and shine your shoes.  As an example of the above, last week one of my clients said, “I think I could be interested in this guy who’s calling me and talking to me at work, but there’s just no way I could be around that BREATH for very long!”  So…check your hygiene…and ask your friends to let you know these things.

4. Insecurity

Insecure people will exhibit their feelings of inferiority in different ways.  Some will be loud, brash, boastful, and dominating.  Others may be sarcastic and judgmental.  Some insecure people may have a desperate need to please, doing anything to receive the approval of others.  Ultimately, they accomplish the opposite of what they want, which is to attract someone wonderful.  If you find that you consistently think you are less deserving than others, cannot let go of sad thoughts, think you are being picked on by those around you, or cannot stand to be alone, it’s time to find the counselor and the help you need.

5. Complaining

This mind set is easy to come by—many people go through life complaining about something every day without realizing it.  Complaining becomes a habit, a way of life, and the lens through which they see life.  If you hear yourself airing a constant lament about how hard life is, do an attitude check.  Whatever you’re complaining about, ask yourself:
• What am I learning from this situation?
• What can I do to change it?
• What do I need to accept and move on with in my life?
These questions should help you change your focus from complaints to action.
Finally, all of the above reasons will be substantially altered when you are GOOD at something.  Being accomplished gives you social capital.  When you become successful through discipline, repetition, focus, and integrity, and your achievement is not handed to you, but rather, is EARNED, people will probably be so impressed… they’ll even put up with your bad breath.
It IS possible to become attractive to others and start dating.  You have the power to change all the reasons you can’t get a date.  Don’t accept being dateless—do something about it.  You deserve to live your dreams.
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